


31 days and 30 nights

by fluffantasy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 21:12:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18302039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffantasy/pseuds/fluffantasy
Summary: jihoon tells the story of his life, and soonyoung knows about it.





	31 days and 30 nights

Jihoon sat down beside Soonyoung's grave. He poured himself a glass of local soju and drank it while looking at the bright night sky. Countless stars and a shiny moon looked back at him. It was 40 days after Soonyoung, his boyfriend, died. That explains the flowers laid on his grave. Jihoon was grateful that he visited him this late at night, or else Soonyoung's friends and relatives would have seen him ugly crying.

 

"Soonyoung? How is it up there?" Jihoon started off. "Is it cold up there? Or is it just nice?"

 

"I remember the first time we met," he chuckled while reminiscing their past, "in the subway station, the winter of 2015. I forgot my cloak back in the train so I had to go home when it was freezing cold in the streets. Of course, me being te stupidest person ever, I made a turn back to the train to get my cloak back but of course, the train wouldn't wait for me, right? And who was I to expect that my cloak was still there, untouched by any other thief? So I sat there on the bench, feeling empty. I couldn't buy a new one since I don't have any cash with me. Silly, right? I was freezing there and I thought that 'Ah, I'm doomed now!' but then, you came. You put your cloak around me. I looked up and saw you flashing the brightest and widest smile I've ever seen. At least for that time. But anyway, I was irritated at you. I don't want to owe anything to other people and here you were, doing a favor for me. What was more is that you walked away without leaving anything. Your name, your address, your number. How was I supposed to return the cloak to you? But then, destiny found its way for us."

 

"Summer of 2016," Jihoon poured himself another glass of soju and drank it, continuing his story, "my agency had a recruitment day and little did I know, you applied there. So, when the new recruits were going to be introduced, I was in the recording studio, producing a song for PRISTIN V at that time. It was rushed, since I had a lot to cope up with and I couldn't meet the producing deadline, so i was definitely stressed at that time. Then, few staffs came to my door and told me to go to the lobby. I had a lot on my mind at that time, so do you remember how I looked grumpy when we met again? Yup. So, it was the introduction of the new recruits. You were there in the center, flashing your wildest smile again. You were the new choreographer and dance instructor of the trainees and the idols under our agency. We sure worked in different departments, but we had a way to work it out."

 

"I found a way to return your cloak. While you were making a new choreography, I entered the practice room and watched you. I was real fascinated at your skills. I never knew you were one for dancing. After your dance routine, I proceeded to return your cloak. You said, that I shouldn't return it, but I insisted and you did, too. In the end, I went home with your cloak again. I don't know why, but I've been constantly using your cloak since then."

 

"We had the same routine everyday. Breakfast together, lunch together, dinner together. Even Wonwoo had mistaken us to be a couple, am I right? But of course, we were quick to deny. 'Just good friends' was our excuse. Little did we know we were falling for each other."

 

"Christmas of 2016, you caught me recording a song in the studio room. I didn't know you were there until I had finished recording the demo and you were there, clapping your hands. I remember you being amazed and said, 'Wow Jihoon! It's a nice song as always! Who's gonna sing that?' And, of course I couldn't answer you. Because it was my New Year's Gift for you. A confession song. So I had to lie and said that Minhyun was going to sing it. You bought it actually, until it was my time to confess it."

 

"New Year's Eve, 10 minutes before the actual New Year. We were both in the agency's building. You were creating a new choreography while I was there in the studio, contemplating if I would give the song to you or no. Then Hansol came into the studio and asked me if I gave it to you already. I told him I was contemplating and having second thoughts about it. What if you won't like the song? What if you don't like me? As simple as that. But it got to you. At 11:56 exactly, I came into the practice room and sang the song for you. I remember you being shocked. Of course, someone would barge in the practice room 4 minutes exactly before the New Year's? But it was the best New Year's ever, trust me. You were shocked when I sang the song and when I told you that I liked you, very, very much. And that's when I had my very first kiss. Especially when it was exactly at 12 midnight at that. It was very magical, our relationship was very magical, until August of 2017."

 

"You were acting very strange at that time. The jolly Soonyoung I met? I couldn't see him. Where was he at that time? Was he dead? Did he just disappear suddenly? I don't know. For those few days, you seemed down. And of course as your boyfriend, I asked you what's wrong, but you turned me away. Weeks passed by, your attitude was slowly changing. We'd get into fights over the littlest things and we wouldn't reconcile until our friends forced us to. It was a game of pride at that time. And it hurt. It hurt more than falling from a 30-storey building. It hurt, Soonyoung."

 

"It was that scenario for a few months. I saw different counselors about our situation and they all said one thing: I should understand you. I tried, Soonyoung. I tried. I tried to make you open up to me about your problems, but you turned me away. Do you know how hurt I was at that time? When someone who genuinely loved you once was now a total stranger? Did you ever think about my feelings, huh?"

 

"But it wasn't a time to get mad about it."

 

"Summer of 2018 was when everything fell apart, completely. You haven't gone home for 3 days now and I was worried at that time. Everyone was worried for you. Until I got a phone call. It was about you. You were found, but not alive. You were dead, Soonyoung. The cops said you were found by a group of hikers in a mountain nearby, hanging on a high tree, with a suicide note. Yes, you committed suicide. All I could think at that time was why, why did you have to leave us when we could've fixed your problem, together? You didn't even tell your problems on the note. How was I supposed to process all of this?"

 

"Then I reflected. If I had been a good boyfriend to you then this wouldn't have happened. You could've opened up to me and we could've solved this problem and you would be alive and we would just be cuddling bow, together." Jihoon was already crying. "But I was too late. Too late for everything."

 

"So now Soonyoung, go rest up there. I'm gonna live out my life for you so you can be proud of me up there, okay? I love you so much, my honey. I'm gonna sleep now, guard me alright, okay? I love you so much and I am gonna make you proud." Jihoon then curled up next to Soonyoung's grave and fell into a deep sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends! thank you very much for reading my first ao3 fic!! i am well aware this was not proofread and i wrote this before i went to sleep. hope you liked it all uwu


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